lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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