At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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