3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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