I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize