Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
