Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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