you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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