Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
