his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
