from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
