I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
