She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
