Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
