He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
