The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
