the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
