she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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