Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
