The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Randomize
