take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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