you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
