I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Your mouth is God's brothel.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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