it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
