erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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