IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize