I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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