I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
