At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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