On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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