My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
