Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
