I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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