I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Four minutes until I can fart!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
