I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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