Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
