Can i not drive my cunt home
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
