Where are you?
In a non slutty way
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
