I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
How's work?
Spinning.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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