hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
