It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
