Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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