I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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