put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
