i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
