Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
