My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
