if i can run in heels then i can drive
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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