we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
