I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You took a bar mat shot.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
