So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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