I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I am mentally ready for anal.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
