phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
FUCK WHALES
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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