didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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