We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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