oh god the rape fog is back!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
