There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
