saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
