I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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