I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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