i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I had to cum in my sink.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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