East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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