My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
