Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
