I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
