I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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