I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
