i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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