She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
