just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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