is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
