She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
50% drunk capacity currently
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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