I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
