you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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