He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
