Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
