This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
