I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
