they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
