I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
