So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
