the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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