there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
