woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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