Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Can I color on your dick again?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
