it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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