What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
