It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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