If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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