I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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