i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
