He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize