I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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