Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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