guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
