i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
