So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The best revenge is premature balding
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My vagina is officially offended.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
