I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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