When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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