Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
