Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
