she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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