i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
