so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We got so high we made milksteak
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
