The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
